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Dealing with Hurt and Grief

07.17.19

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I had an experience the other day that reopened a wound just a little bit, but even that little bit hurts. I need to talk about my wounds to show others and perhaps remind myself at times how far I’ve come. This is what I do when I have to talk about the hurt and how I deal with it now.

I didn’t skip the hurting process. I like to call this - embracing the suck. Hurt, despair, grief - it all sucks. There is no getting around it. Well, there is. You can self medicate, ignore it and just not deal with it. But if you want to truly heal, you have to go through it. There is optimism in that though. You go through it and come out whole on the other end. Grief is normal and you need to allow yourself to mourn. Mourn that person, or the end of a relationship or the person you once were.   Face the hurt, acknowledge it, give it a good roundhouse kick, go through it. A therapist or support group can help with this process.

Also take care of yourself - eat healthy, exercise, get a check up. Stress can have an adverse affect on your body.

When you have felt that you have healed somewhat, keep doing what you need to do. Self-care practices. You do you. Healing is a process and a bumpy road. Sometimes there will be a trigger or a reminder of that event that you are healing from and will bring you right back to square one or try to set you back on that road of hurt. Recognize that that is what is happening, recognize the pain and remind yourself that your WERE there but now you are here. The scab has formed and may have peeled a little, but don’t pull it off and reexamine the wound! Face forward, one foot in front of the other. Only use that pain from now on in a positive way to show you how far you have come.

How do you do that? By letting it go. Throw it out! If someone wronged you, that is on them. They did it because they couldn’t deal with their shit or what was happening in their life. It is hard to do this. I equate this with forgiveness, the hardest thing for me to do in the world. Sometimes I think that I have forgiven someone but when that hurt comes around again I’m reminded that I only forgave them about 80%. Why do I need to hang on to that last ounce of pain? Revenge? A feeling of satisfaction if they are miserable? Maybe they aren’t miserable. Maybe they have forgiven themselves for doing this wrong. How dare they! That is mine to give! But here’s the thing, forgiveness isn’t about being ok with what that person did to you, it’s about freeing yourself from what that person did to you. It no longer holds power over you when you let it go 100%.

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